Saturday, October 29, 2011

The Numbers Game

I was talking to a friend of mine who is a mother of one and we were discussing if and when she would have another.  With one out of the way, isn't this the first question on everyone's lips?  How about number two?  Number three?  Once you start popping out kids, it seems one is never enough, at least for other people.  But maybe for some it is.  Think of all you could give to just one child, how quickly your life could become more your own again.  Think of how much more time and money you would have.  As a mother of two, I think about these things from time to time, but ultimately I know I'm happier with what I've have gained than what I may have lost.  The truth is I probably would not have realized whatever benefits there may be to having only one child - I would have been just as stressed with one as I am with two.    
I now struggle with the thought that I may be done having kids?  I'm just not sure.  Saying yes fills me with both relief and sadness.  Saying no makes me think I might be crazy, but it also thrills me to consider the crazy love I would have for another.  
When I got pregnant with my son I was really worried that I wouldn't (couldn't?) love him the same as I love my daughter, that she would always be my special girl and I might resent him for taking time away from her.  Of course, everything changed when my little Buddy was born - I love him just as much as my Best Girl, and I am so proud to see their friendship grow.  
Back to the question of more kids.  If I see a woman strolling around with four kids, a very pregnant belly and a huge smile on her face, I wonder 1) Is she on medication and where can I get some?, or 2) Is she a better mother than me?  Bottom line, at least as I see it, there is no magic number, no algorithm for motherhood.  In the immortal words of Xtina, "Whatever makes you happy and sets you free."